sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
