No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
