I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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