And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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