My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
