Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
