if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
