she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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