I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
