and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
