He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just had sex bonerless
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
