I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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