I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
