By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
