Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
