Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
