His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im part way to drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
