We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize