I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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