you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
