I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
