we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
