I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
