now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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