it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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