$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
