Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
