i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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