i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
