You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
