I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
