Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize