well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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