I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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