There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
