I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
