This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
