My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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