What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
