we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
