I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
