My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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