He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
