There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
