dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
