Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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