My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
