Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
