Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
