my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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