I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
