Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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