dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
