I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
