One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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