Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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