OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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