Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
