yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
