I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
