wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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