how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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