Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
