he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
