I got chris browned last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
