she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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