Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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