I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
