Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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