at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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