oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mom said you looked used
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
