im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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