So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
