I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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