im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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