My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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