No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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