i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
