Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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