It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
