At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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