so explain again why im purple
no
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize