don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
